apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
