wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
