if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
