i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
