literally had 100 drinks last night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
