Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
