Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
