i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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