i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
