What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
