so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
