Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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