I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize