I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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