Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
