her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I could fuck to npr.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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