I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
