So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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