I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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