Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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