oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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