the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
