Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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