I heard we made out
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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