I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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