I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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