the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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