Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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