FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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