: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize