Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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