i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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