just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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