Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
