Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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