i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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