need another drink. this is the easiest way
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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