worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
