our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
