So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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