he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I could make wine with my vomit
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
