I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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