I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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