i dont even know how to be here
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
