he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
