i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
