I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im holly from the hills drunk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
