There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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