after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
