There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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