I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
