Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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