Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
