I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
