So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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