hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
