i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
