peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
