I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
