Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
