Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
why is half of my head shaved?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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