I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
