Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
