Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
