Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need to align my fucking chakras
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
