I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
