VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
