At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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