I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I would fuck him just for his dog
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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