To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
