forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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