Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
