How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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